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“Throw my candy away”
Child says to mom, “If you make me do that I’m going to throw my candy away!” What’s going on here? What does this child want? Why do we think “hurting” ourselves will motivate another person to help us? It’s about
vulnerability and trust. It’s about not being honest with ourselves about our feelings. It’s about being close to someone. It’s not manipulation. Manipulation is shrewd or devious, premeditated. “Throwing your candy
away” is a clue that there is an emotional avenue here to explore. Learning how to love and be loved is what life is all about. “Throwing your candy away” is a clue that someone’s learning and they’re practicing.
The important thing here is an avenue is open. Someone is exploring trust with you or you with them. There are people in your life that really care about you. Your parents care about you. Perhaps you have a special
friend, boss, class-mate, or business partner that cares for you. No matter who you are, no matter where you are in your life or on your path, there are people that want you to succeed. There are people that want
you to be happy and will help. These are the people that might say to you or to whom you might say, “…. Throw my candy away”. Different ways we say “Throw my candy away” are “if that’s the way you see it” or “oh, I
don’t care” or “no it’s not” when it obviously is.
Try this:
Recognize communication avenues are opening for future use and expansion. When you observe, body language for example, or have feelings that don’t match the words you hear, alert yourself that an avenue is open.
There’s a desire and opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Someone is practicing. There is an element of vulnerability. Depending on the maturity of your relationship, now may not be the best time to talk,
explore the avenue. Make it easy for talking to happen. “No it’s not” may just mean “I’m not ready…”
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