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Ask for what you want - Relationship magic
Companionship, working with people, loving and being loved; this is what life is all about. Have you experienced a relationship that was particularly meaningful to you? Perhaps you remember one of your first dates
with a significant other. Seeing them made you smile and your heart beat faster. Perhaps you had a special vacation or holiday with a spouse, friend or lover, when every thing was perfect. What made it perfect? Of
course the scenery was beautiful and you were relaxed because you didn’t have to do chores or go to work. And you felt loved and cared for. And you cared for your mate and loved them. If you took away the special
place wouldn’t the same magical feelings be possible? Why can’t your everyday relationship be more like your perfect holiday relationship? It can. If you create a common desire, like enjoying your vacation, you can
have a vacation relationship. On vacation the common desire is to enjoy yourselves. It’s easier to get along because you already have a common purpose and goal. In the real world, each member of the couple has
different activities that they must do. One works in the mill, one works in the factory. One of you is an accountant, one of you is a brick-layer. One of you is a parent and home-maker, one of you is the bread
winner. It’s still the same two people and your paths and goals and “have tos” aren’t the same like they are on vacation. Create or confirm common goals by asking for what you want.
Mind reading doesn’t work. We all wish it did. We all wish our spouse would automatically know that, “This has been a terrible day - let’s go out for pizza.” Mind reading doesn’t work. The more you can ask your
spouse, your children, your friends, your coworkers for what you want then the more likely you are to have your wants and needs met. What’s the harm in asking anyway? Are you going to feel rejected if you ask for a
raise or help with the laundry and don’t get it? Maybe. How does that compare with the feelings you’ll have if you don’t ask? Any resentment, frustration, and built up anger there? How do you feel when someone
asks you for help? It feels good. It lets you know that you have something to offer, that you are valuable to the person that’s asking. Give people the chance to help you. Value your loved ones and associates by
asking for what you want. Sometimes it not that easy to ask. Most of us were taught, “Quit whining and get the job done.” Getting the help you want, working with people to “get the job done” gets the job done in a
more powerful and energizing way for everyone.
Try this:
Ask for little things first. Asking for what you want creates synergistic opportunities that add energy to the world; synergy. It might be awkward when you first try asking for what you want. You might feel
vulnerable. The pleasure you get from being involved in a people process will by itself compensate you for the pain. Getting what you want more often will be an added bonus. “Honey, will you please put the
trash out?” “Children, I’d really appreciate some help carrying the laundry.” Build on your experience. Gain confidence with successes and ask for more.
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